Thursday, September 25, 2008

Pot, Kettle

This massive loaf of a woman was clutching a map and seeking directions as I rounded Stoney Street this morning on my way to Monmouth Coffee for a desperately needed pre-work latte.

She was in jeans that required more than her fair share of fabric (like, the amount you might need to equip a sailing vessel) and a twee little floral shirt that strained to contain her flour-sack bazongas.

She was prevailing upon one of the area's many pin-stripers to direct her towards the bus stop (which was visible from where she was standing).

As I walked past, she bleated, "Americans don't really walk anywhere, do they? They're so lazy!"

The pin-striper looked bemused, and stuttered, "I think it's just because it's so big, everything's too far away to walk."

I shot her a look of pure loathing as she waddled, thighs mercilessly creating tremendous friction, towards the bus stop three yards away.

Hmpf. Go to New York, you pudding, and maybe you'll drop the 80 or so pounds that have you firmly in Morbid Obesityville. Then we'll see who's lazy.
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