Last Gasp

Since I was a little kid, I’ve been plagued with two minor, but annoying, medical problems. One is migraines and the other is a terrible allergy to mold.

The migraines are unpleasant, to say the least. I’m lucky, according to my doctor, because I get a distinct aura before a headache sets in, during which I lose my peripheral vision and see flashes of light across my remaining field of vision, pretty much rendering me blind. The good news here is that I can pop some kind of pill before the skull-crushing misery of a full-blown headache sets in.

The pills I used to take as a kid were something called Cafergot. They were composed of caffeine and ergotamine, and they were supposed to re-dilate the constricting blood vessels in my head that hindered my vision and brought on the headache.

The one catch with Cafergot was that every time I took it, it made me violently ill, and no one really wants to deal with the spectacularly-projectile-vomiting little kid, no matter how charming she might be.

In time, I learned that a handful of Advil is much more user-friendly than the encapsulated evil of Cafergot, and that taking vitamin B-12 (AKA riboflavin) daily brings my migraines down to maybe 1 a month.

I have yet to find the Achilles’ heel of my allergies, however, and they’ve been a bitch bastard for as long as I can remember. They pop up at all the usual times; spring and fall are consistent repeat offenders. But last night, as I was hanging out with Reba and Johnny, something in their house did not agree with something in my face, and the next thing I know my eyes were itching and burning, my nose was dripping like a cheap faucet, and I started getting all gaspy.

It’s always the gaspy part that gets me. Sure it sucks that my eyes itch and my nose drips and whatever, but I’m become very fond of breathing over the years, and when that’s restricted, I get a little panicky. Every time I have a bad allergy attack, my breathing goes to shit. It’s like I’m underwater and breathing through a swizzle stick. It really sucks, and when I was younger it’d scare me so much I’d start to hyperventilate, making the whole situation worse.

Thankfully, Rebs had some benadryl, which took a while to kick in, but left me feeling much better for a while.

Then, about 3 this morning, I woke up from a dream in which I was caught in mud on my back and drowning in murky water. Whatever is floating about in the air in this filthy city has most definitely infiltrated my system, because I’ve been gasping like a beached fish since I woke from my dream, and the kicker is there’s no magic bullet for these things. I can only take my allergy stuff at night since it renders me idiotic so fast I can’t work when I’m all hopped up.

Today, in my Very Important Meeting, I know I must have looked beyond bored with my ceaseless yawning. But I'm not tired, dammit; i just can't breathe!

So I heave and gasp like a fool and occasionally shake off the recurrent terror of my drowning dream. I’d sigh if I had the available air.