Tuesday, October 02, 2007

The New Math

I think I just found my first gray hair. Either that, or I'm going spontaneously blonde.

I was futzing in my office bathroom, and had pulled my hair back before going into a meeting. Then, there it was, glinting like an evil beacon. Wiry and weird and as silver as friggin' Dumbledore's beard.

Steve never tires of reminding me that soon I'll be closer to 40 than I am to 20. Aging doesn't really freak me out that much; I don't think my 30th will be marked with inconsolable sobbing. But I am more aware of the fact that my spring chicken days are rapidly departing -

My new math:

More than three glasses of red wine + 1 liquor-based beverage = hangover x three hours of puking - dignity

High stress levels + less than 5 hours of sleep = inappropriate comments in random situations

Unfamiliar athletic activity + more than 1 hour = inability to ascend or descend stairs without limping

I'd ask you to solve for x, but I see I've forgotten to include it in any of the above equations. Algebra was the one kind of math I used to be good at, but that was 11 years ago at this point, and there ain't no hope for me now.

I need to schedule an appointment with my hairdresser now. This is what you get when you decide to grow out your old color. A wiry memento mori.

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1 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

30th birthday = more than 3 glasses of wine, more than one liquor based beverage, high stress levels, less than 5 hours sleep and perhaps quite a lot of dancing. I really want to go to the party but I'm worried about the next morning.

4:48 PM  

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